I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
