Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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