Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
