dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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