it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
