i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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