Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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