We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize