just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
