we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
