I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Someone came in the potted fern
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
