She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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