Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The power of my boobs compel you
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
