I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
