Someone shit on the floor
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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