"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
a search helicopter?!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
