Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize