well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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