You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
