omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
