Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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