Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
