I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
