she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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