I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
