I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
