well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize