He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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