Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
