I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
