we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
