I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
