the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
