The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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