toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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