hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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