I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
