dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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