Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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