I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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