All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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