why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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