The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize