I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
