I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
