you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize