id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am available for nakedness
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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