I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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