something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
