So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
