They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
