I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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