I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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