So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
