wrigley field is MILF paradise
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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