Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
COCAINE IS GR8
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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