I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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