How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
