She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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