my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize