She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
