glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
