More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you win again, gameday.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
