the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I understand Curling. That high.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
