Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
