In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
