im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
