Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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