life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
