Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
