there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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