false alarm. still invincible.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
